Being "Un-fair"

Hello everyone, this is a very personal topic for me as this is coming straight out of my heart based on my experiences. It isabout how society treats you when you are born "un-fair". I know that is not the right word. In short, how things are unfair to people who are born "un-fair", i.e, dusky or dark skinned. I'm sure a lot of people (both women and men, girls and boys) readingthis blog will be able to relate to these experiences.

I was born dusky. Some people call it dark skinned. But most of us like to term it as "black". So I was born black. I was born skinny. 20 years back, being skinny was not appreciated like the way it is seen now. Plus I was not brought up in a cosmopolitan city like Delhi or Bangalore or Mumbai. Being skinny was always looked down at. Being dusky or rather "black" as they used to call me, was looked down at. It was as if you are born with something missing. As if you are not "complete". It is 2015 and now being skinny is considered trendy and being curvy is looked down at. A dark skinned or dusky girl is the butt of all jokes. If you end up being dusky and skinny, then you are definitely in trouble! So was I!

Here are some of the comments which I have received, which even after many years, I cannot forget. Whenever I found these comments offensive,I was told that it has to be taken with a good "sense of humour".

1. Once I was wearing a black stockings beneath a beautiful dress. My colleague/ friend asks me "Is that a black stocking or is that your leg itself?" I kept quiet and left.
2. I was getting ready for a dance competition in my college, where I need to paint one side of my face with white paint and other side with black paint. My class mates tells me "You could have saved the black paint by leaving your face as it is and just painting the other side with white paint". I clearly rememberthe guy's face even now. A bunch of girls who listened to this just ended up giggling as it is entertainment for them. I kept quiet and left.
3. Another time one guy says "Anjana you are so black (yes he did not use the term dusky or dark skinned) that Michelle Obama will get a complex. (I know it is super offensive and I'm not trying to offend Michelle Obama, but just quoting what my colleague said). I kept quiet and left.
4. There was a coffee table discussion about the book "2 states" and we were trying to find an appropriate cast. Out of enthusiasm I said "I think I can do it. I can speak good Hindi and Tamil at the same time". The guy sitting opposite to me says "Come on yaar! The heroine of "2 states" is fair, not like you! The girl should either be fair or of golden color to fit in!". I kept quiet and left.
5. My friend and I go to a beauty parlour and she introduces me to the owner and says "Hey, I have got a new customer for you. I guess I deserve a discount for this". The owner replies "Yeah you deserve a discount from me for every new customer you refer. But it will depend on whether you had referred a fair or dark girl. In this case, alas..."
6. My friend/ colleague declares openly "Why on earth do skinny and black girls even exist on earth??? I just don't understand. I can't stand them!". He did not even care to see if people are around. And he (who is dark skinned) goes on "I would definitely never marry someone who is black. I demand a fair or super fair girl." I kept quiet. Out of curiosity I asked "What exactly is your measure of fairness?". He replies "Fair means Angelina Jolie, Kristen Stewart. Fair means Kareena Kapoor". I left silently.

These are just a few of the incidents. If I start writing each and every experience it will take more than a day. Apart from what I have faced, I personally know a lot of women who were trashed by mother-in-laws for being "un-fair" (dusky/ dark). They get treated with the utmost disrespect. Sometimes these mother-in-laws even ask their sons to remarry a fair girl and ditch the current dark-skinned-wife. 

Apart from this discrimination, I have also faced the usual misbehaviour which any other girl would have also faced. It includes men taking advantage in a crowded bus, while travelling alone in a train, while walking in a crowded market place, while going to a temple festival etc.

Having said all these, you will have a question - Did I grow up with a low self-esteem? No. I will tell you why. Keeping all the above experiences aside, I was fortunate enough to have befriended gentlemen, an educated family, colleagues who looked beyond skin colour or size or shape. Though there is more than one reason for me to hate men, I always had friends who are gentlemen and respected women. I was just fortunate. But there would be a lot of girls who would have received no support and would have been treated low in their own family. What will happen to them? There is a high chance of them growing up with very low self esteem. Feeling rebellious. I am just fortunate enough to not to have missed any opportunity in life only due to my skin colour.

Having told my experiences do I feel rebellious or revengful towards those guys/ men? No. Here is the reason. Why do these guys look down at people (men and women) who are not fair-skinned? This is because this is what society has always taught them. This is what even their mothers say at their homes. Racism begins at home! Before blaming anyone we need to look at ourselves if we are racists. Do we have the maturity to look at a person irrespective of his/her colour or size or shape? What exactly do we teach our children? If our kids pick up racism from their friends, do we even care to correct them?

A lot is always said on how British had used racism against India and how Indians feel the heat of racism in many other countries. But before blaming the English men or any other people from a foreign nation, do we even look around and see that racism and discrimination based on colour is happening in every nook and corner of our own "Incredible India"?? In my experience I never faced a bit of racial discrimination anywhere outside my own home country. What am I supposed to feel?

I had blogged on the same topic alsmot 6 years back and I had faced questions like "Have you not used fairness creams to get a better complexion?", "You must be a permanent customer of Fair & Lovely and you are talking all these". Trust me on this. I've never depended on a fairness cream. I'm a complete makeup junkie, I love mositurizers and anti-ageing creams and foundation and compacts and lipsticks. But I'm not a customer of fairness products.

Now, a lot of people will argue saying it is somebody's preference to not like a dark skinned or dusky girl/boy. You cannot enforce a rule on all. True. I am not enforcing. You can have preferences in your personal space, but the least you can do is stay away from hurting somebody in the name of colour. Stay away from hurting or insulting somebody for their shape or size.

Just yesterday, a Cabinet Minister has passed a comment saying "Only if Rajiv Gandhi had married a Nigerian and not Sonia Gandhi who is fair-skinned, will Congress be still supporting her?" This was followed by a bunch of men laughing. This is supposed to be taken lightly with a good "sense of humour"??? Everytime I even tried to question why someone has to hurt me for my colour, I was told to take it with "sense of humour". So where does sense of humour end and racism start? Can we really take the Minister as a person with a great sense of humour? When will India's obsession for fair-skin end?? 

Having said my points, I would have expected to see any of these points reflect in a relevant form in a video meant for women empowerment. These should be represented to bring the essense and not look glossy as shown in "My Choice" video. I do not believe that the need of the hour is to stand up for every woman to chose one night stands or casual affairs or wear skimpy clothes or make an independent decision on having a baby or not. But the need of the hour is to work towards a better society by teaching our kids (daughters and sons), teach ourselves (irrespective of whether you are a man or a woman) to not discriminate, not to hurt or insult any man or woman based on their colour/ size/ shape/many other factors.

Let us realize that it is not just the men in our society who need a change. A whole lot of women need to change too. Let us not discriminate. Let us not judge anyone. Respect women and men too. I belive quality education can bring this required change.

I would definitely like to see the opinion of all those people who read this note. I would in fact love to see guys in my FB friends list comment.

And then I ran

Okay so I have this huge issue with myself. I have this humongous feeling which makes me believe that I am the most physically weak creature on earth. I have 0 confidence in my health. Oh I have already written a note about this in Face Book  My "illness syndrome". Basically I feel I'm becoming a burden to others since I'm not physically fit like others. I keep going into a shell which eventually becomes a catastrophe with my loved ones. I almost ruined a beautiful Friday evening this week. Thanks to my syndrome!

That is when someone decided to work on my confidence level with respect to health/fitness. The first step towards this was to hit a Nike store and buy some awesome pair of runner shoes and track suit! OMG, I have never ever imagined of going to a Nike store and buying sports stuff for myself!!! This is beyond my imagination! Okay finally it happened! Investing on Nike :) Now the main agenda is to put them into work. 

This Sunday the unbelievable event happened. I ran :) 

What is this hoo-ha about me running? It is because this is my first big step towards overcoming my fear of illness. Fear that I cannot do many things which others do. Everyone runs. But I can run too. I too felt how it is to almost glide through the long and beautiful pavements of Cubbon Park. I too climbed a small tree and had a tiny-little cup of tea sitting there. I enjoyed the sight all those Beverly-Hills-Of-India canine club. I loved seeing this cute-little Dalmation and a sweet Beagle and those heavy & shiny Retrievers. It was like running inside a zoo! Ha ha. 

I want to thank someone for inspiring and driving me so much to run! Without You, it wouldnt have happened at all! THANKKK YOUUU for kicking me out of my couch and making me run!!!!!

I would love to believe that I'm healthy and can do everything which everyone else does! I'm fit and fine! I'm good enough to go a long way in life! Let me hope to continue these runs hereafter and make my loved ones happy :) I am hoping to be completely out of this shell soon!!! Run Anju Run!

This is the song which played in my mind while I was running/ gliding :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wH8SxG6jYac

My dearest teddy

So I received a teddy bear as gift from GOD. This is the cutest gift I have ever received in my life! I am so so so much in love with it that it has become completely inseparable from me! It is a super adorable, infinitely cute, gives me tons of happiness and always brings smile on my face. I am naming my dear teddy as 'Puffy'. Love You my dear Puffy! :)

Why This Kolaveri Di??!!

Returning to my blog after a while. So the reason for writing this is my extreme frustration with my commute. Now, I'm this girl staying in Bellandur in Bangalore.  Everyday I need to go till EcoSpace which is just 1km away from where I stay. This is because I need to take a shuttle from EcoSpace to my office which is in Whitefield. This is not a Herculean task to achieve because it should just take 10-15 minutes of walk to reach EcoSpace from my apartment. But it is just not happening for quite sometime now!!!!

Today I left at around 9:30am to reach EcoSpace at 10am. Yes I knew that it rained last night and the road is in a very bad shape. And that is why I kept a buffer time rather than just calculating 15minutes for this walk. But when I started to walk I realized that this is going to be a horrible experience today! The road was so muddy and gooey and there are cables all over the place. Anybody can get injured at any moment even with the utmost care. I was like I'm going to slip and fall down any moment and endup having a fracture! But still I continued to walk. It was like I'm undergoing a Roadies task or something. With utmost care I reached EcoSpace at sharp 10am and sad news was awaiting for me. The shuttle had left 30 seconds back! I wanted to scream!!! Now I can take an auto and go to office but the auto driver is definitely going to ask me at least 300bucks as they are too smart to not charge as per the meter. The very thought of even walking back home was frustrating as I knew that I have to once again go through this super-slippery road. But I decided to walk back. With God's grace, I reached home with no fractures and no falling into the gutter with my nice shoes completely spoilt! (Btw, I've quit wearing heels: thanks to the slippery roads!) So finally, I'm working from home! (after publishing this blog)

This is something I need to go through everyday and which makes me feel why am I even going to office! I was planning to take a 2 wheeler but the road conditions really makes me rethink. Will there be any solution to these roads? I don't know! But I really really hope that one day the situation will improve! Till then everyday I keep telling to myself, why this kolaveri di??!!!

Angel on earth

We all have grown up hearing stories about Angels, how they come for rescue when we humans are in trouble. Angels are supposed to represent kindness, happiness and everything nice. But I haven't ever seen any Angel with wings and a magic wand, but yes I met an Angel today on whom I want to write. Such an Angel who is an epitome of kindness, a selfless soul who doesnt have a magic wand but has a golden heart.

Many a times in life I have thought why there is no Angel coming to save me and take away all my troubles. I guess most of us would have had this passing thought. But have we ever tried to see some real life Angels around us? Probably in our parents, our friends, our boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife, there could be a hidden Angel. How many of us actually had a chance to see that Angel within our close ones?

Today I would say I was lucky to see an Angel. I would thank GOD for this. This Angel made me realise that in this world where there is hardly any value and time for relationship, faith, trust, goodness, sacrifice, sharing, we still have some really good souls left. This Angel has made the endless sacrifices for near and dear ones and still does endless help without a word of crib. I was amazed to see that such people still exist in this world who consider others' emotions and needs much above their own needs and desires. A person who has spent one whole life for others and is still ready to make endless sacrifices.

This Angel made me ponder on what I am. Can I be so much selfless? Can I make an impact on anybody's life? What is the importance of my existance? Can I actually bring a change to someone's life? Or what probably can I do to help this Angel? I did not many answers. But somehow I want to bring some happiness and whatever small help I could offer to this Angel. Is it possible? I dont know. But I definitely want to do my bit for this Angel. But today onwards I feel the responsibility to help this Angel release it's burden. I pray to GOD to shower all HIS blessings on this Angel. I feel very proud to know such a great person. I wish all happiness for this Angel. May GOD always bring the best to you like how you gave your best to everyone around you.

A lot about you

In our day to day life we talk about a lot of things. But have you ever realized that a lot of things talk about us too? Ok, let me make myself sound simpler.

It is a well known fact the kind of clothes we wear tell volumes about us. That is why each one of us spend hours while building our wardrobe(especially girls). But sometimes wardrobe is slightly deceiving because few of us tend to choose something which is just in or something which is just to impress someone. So it is not necessary that always one's style statement actually reveals one's persona, but most of the times it does. A simple person chooses to wear basic shades with basic prints whereas a loud person tries to fit into funky stuffs. People who really do not bother about what the world thinks about them will be completely comfortable choosing even bizarre outfits. People who choose colorful and bright shades are usually joyful in nature. Piercings and tattoes represent a lot about one's personality. A very conventional person would be totally uncomfortable filling one's body with many piercings or putting many tattoes whereas a total freak would find it cool to have a couple of piercings/ tattoes.

How you carry yourself/ how you interact:  A shy and coy girl in a small crowd can be identified within seconds from the way she talks or the way she holds herself. A guy with his battery fully charged with confidence can also be noted within minutes. A graceful girl showing a lot of poise definitely represents a very polished nature. A fun loving fellow cannot hide his vibrant nature. An intellect would make his mark the way he/she expresses his points. An artistic person can be easily be identified with his/ her gestures and the way they find beauty in everything they see. Faking one's persona when you interact with someone is pretty much a hardwork which usually fails to work. So I guess it is quite easy to understand someone's nature by observing the way in which he/she interacts with others and the way they carry themselves.


Next is a totally different category upon which I've less expertise. So I'll be a bit careful here. I've seen a lot of guys who are very much enthusistic about gaming. I guess guys who love gaming have a lot in common. Probably a geeky nature or a more sophiscated way of thinking. I guess the second point sounds better. Game-lovers usually are pretty much sharp and intense thinkers. They have more logical solutions and think/ act faster. Not seen many girls who love gaming so no comments on them.

Music! Calm and quiet people usually stick on to soothing melodies. Cool dudes/dudettes love peppy, rocking music. Curious souls who think in many different ways (like me) enjoy all genres of music. I'm pretty much a curious person and I think in many many directions. Also I tend to listen to a wide variety of music most of them making absolutely no sense to me (like most of my thinking really does not make any sense!). It really doesnt matter to me whether I'm listening to a devotional song, a Bollywood number, a Hollywood track, a super hit pop album, regional music or a complete flop music.

Next is cooking. The way a person cooks can say a lot about him/her. But I've a point to make here. It is something I've read somewhere to which I totally agree. A good cook with the way of he/she adds the right ingredients represents his/her mastery in the art of cooking. But when it comes to how much it represents him/her as a person, it is the kitchen which speaks.  The kitchen he/she works on and how the cook leaves it after a well cooked meal speaks a lot about the cook's personality. Not sure how many agree with me. As per me, a cook can be called as an awesome cook if the food prepared by him/her is magnificient + the kitchen and surroundings maintained by him/her is super clean. A wonderful cook would never leave his/her workplace messy.

A person with a beautiful handwriting is supposed to be well mannered one as well. Exceptions like Gandhiji are there though. A well organized house also represents a well organized mind. A highly competitive person also tends to explore a lot with his/her gadgets whereas a simple person who is comfortable with minimal things usually is comfortable with a basic mobile or a basic watch or basic computer. This is my observation till date. It holds good to me too.

Oops, how can I forget my own field! Talking about myself, I'm an IT-an and I have done quite a decent job and have spent a lot of time in my career doing coding and so let me tell a few things from my view point. I love doing coding work; especially playing around with queries. And this is what I've felt. Making a query is an art. When a neatly designed query is created, with the right amount of spacing and tabbing with good amount of comments (of course with good performance), you have created a beautiful piece of art. It has happened with me many a times that I make a beautiful piece of code and when I look at it after a period of time, I feel like saying "Oh dear, I just love you". What I'm trying to say here is that a well organized piece of code developed by a person represents a well organzied way of living (at least professionally). Writing a piece of code which is completely untidy is bad manners according to me! 

There are a lot more stuffs which scream about our persona. Probably readers can add to it in the comments section.

Good bye for now.

Something to look forward to...

Vacation is so very important in everyone's life, especially for people like me who work night and day in the most demanding industry of Information Technology! I don't think any other professional actually looks forward for a break from their daily routine, like how we guys do. The purpose of this blog is not to explain the life of a techie. That was just an intro for my blog:)


So here I'm at my home, on a vacation after a really long time. Let me tell you what is the best part of a vacation. Actually it is the pre-vacation which is the best! The very thought that you are soon going to have a break from your daily stuff itself is so very exciting! And we look forward so much for that vacation to actually happen! I just enjoy the feeling of "going-to-have-a-vacation-soon". The whole planning, shopping, various discussions on what to do etc itself brings out the energy in me :)


Apart from vacation, let us consider meeting somebody whom you like. May be your boy friend,  your long-lost-friend, an old teacher, anyone.... The thought that you are going to meet someone whom you want to meet for a long itself is so exciting. You start to look forward for that to happen! That itself is a great feeling!


Similarly shopping!!!! My favorite favorite hobby!!!! The thought of just going for a shopping itself gives me a chill! I just love to look forward to go on a shopping spree!:)


I strongly believe that in order to keep life moving, all of us constantly need to have something to look forward to. Everyday should have a new purpose. Whether it is about doing something different at work, learning a new language, improving your cooking skills, waiting for your favorite TV show to start, planning to buy a new house, planning for a trip, arranging your partner's birthday party, wanting to finish watching all the movies of your favorite movie star, trying to impress your long term crush, decorating your home, buying a new puppy.... The list can just go on... When you have something to look forward you tend to forget your laziness, your tough times, your obstacles. It just gives you extra arms and extra legs to keep your day moving!


Right now, I'm looking forward to see what kind of comments I'm going to get for this blog :)